Palm Sunday

It is interesting that I am undertaking this blog under the current circumstances I am in, but I feel God calling me to do this so I will listen to that call. To elaborate a bit, I am trying to finish the last 9 credits of my mathematics major, all of those credits being 400 level classes, as well as trying to start a business for when I get out of school. On top of that, I am training a U-12 girls soccer team, training the Messiah College goalkeepers, and teaching 4 sessions of soccer each week. To add a bit more on my plate, I am trying to finish a narrative I am currently writing of my four year experience as a part of the Messiah Men's Soccer team. Just in case that wasn't enough, I have been dating my girlfriend Claire for 3 1/2 years now, and we are working hard to actively move towards being engaged eventually, which is a lot. But enough of my groveling, I really don't want pity, because I know God won't give me more than I can handle each day.

Now onto the true point of this blog: to look and reflect on my walk with Jesus and to spill all my thoughts on what I read in scripture out so the world can read it. To continue on with the introduction, I must elaborate on the things that have happened in my faith just recently to put me in the present. I have struggled in my faith since returning from studying abroad, and to see the explanation why, look on my Facebook where I "blogged" about it. Nevertheless, the last 3 days have been a bit of a turn and I think it is awesome, I'm really excited about it. Claire and I went on a "retreat" this weekend for pre-engaged and engaged couples, taught by her favorite professor. Retreat is in quotes because it was just off campus. It was amazing for our relationship and I am so thankful to God for it, but it was during that retreat where I truly felt God speak to me. He spoke to me in the worship we had there, as well as through the discussion on spirituality within a relationship. From that, Claire and I are beginning to try and tie our faith into our relationship, and God even provided a way to start doing that in the Passion Week devotion they gave out at Daybreak Church today which we plan to work through now. He works in incredible ways doesn't he?

Today at church was where God really spoke to me the most though. The discussion in church was of Palm Sunday and the incredible gift that God gave us. It was so fundamental but spoke so deeply. The pastor discussed the movie "The Passion of the Christ" and how after the first showings Mel Gibson gave, one man sat a long time after it ended in silence and then looked at Mel and simply said, "I forgot." He forgot what Jesus truly gave on the cross for all of us. When he told that story it just hit me so hard. It is so easy after you have been a believer for many years to forget what that He gave for us. During that story I sat and thought about the movie, which I have seen a few times, and it only took thinking about what He suffered through to bring tears to my eyes. As the sermon continued, the pastor discussed the passage in 1 Corinthians 11 when the communion account is described, and he emphasized when Jesus commanded, "Do this in remembrance of me." He emphasized it because he wanted us to remember what Jesus did for us. The pastor ended with a call to spread this news to those who don't know it, and I felt this was the best way to get it out. The final straw which broke me emotionally in the service and completely put me broken at God's feet was the last passage he read, Romans 5:8, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." It hit me so hard because I have sinned so much, both in the recent weeks and in my life, and Jesus still bore all that pain for me. I started to think about how heavy that sin feels on my shoulders at times, and then it put it into perspective a little as to what Jesus felt because I feel so heavy when it is simply my own sin on my shoulders, yet Jesus took my sin as well as everyone elses sin on His mortal shoulders all at once. Just take a moment to think about that and let it sink in. Wow. How can we ever begin to understand a love that deep?

By that point I was just weeping, especially as the sermon ended and the worship team began playing Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone). That song has a special place in my heart, because as a soccer team we ran out to that song done instrumentally on bagpipes, but the words are so old yet still more relevant than ever, and touch me every time I hear and sing them. This time was no different, as I struggled to get the first verse out without tears. Then once the chorus that Chris Tomlin added to the hymn began, I completely lost it. Just read these verses with what I have said so far in mind: "My chains are gone, I've been set free. My God, My Savior, has ransomed me. And like a flood, his mercy rains. Unending love, Amazing Grace." WOW. I simply could get nothing out when we hit "Unending love, Amazing Grace," because those words are so true. No matter what I can do, will do, or have done, God's love will never, ever end, and grace will continue to be poured on me by God. That is just incredible.

So I must say, now that I reflect on all that I have written, and I know it's a lot, I can say that God has pulled me out of the rut I am in a little bit, and now its my job to pull myself the rest of the way out. He's given me a foot hold, its my work from here on out. So I encourage you as you read this and I slack off on my entries to reach out to me and get me back on track. I need to be disciplined in this battle to get myself back out of the hole, and you all holding me accountable will be huge. So here's day 1, and heres hope that I will write a day 2 tomorrow...